Bad day, feeling depressed

Emotions really can kill you. Too much anger in the air; too much shouting; too many hurtful words. I wonder why this has to be part of my day? Words could be good if used in a good way; I cannot understand why words are used to hurt other people. It makes me feel so heavy and hurt inside. I cannot stop it. I cannot prevent it. Sometimes I wish I were not around to hear the hurtful words, to be far away in some isolated place to be left alone to my thoughts. To wish to die would be too much but maybe it is a fate worse than death to be subjected to such abusive words.

I do not feel like working at all. I do not feel like doing anything .I just want to curl up and sleep. Maybe tomorrow will be a brighter day. Maybe the birds will be chirping merrily. There is so much to be happy for and yet there is anger in my house. There is unhapppiness. I just want to be left in peace. I just want to be happy. My footprint is very small and yet it is constantly disturbed.

What to do? I remember when I was younger when my own mind would be constsantly in turmoil. Did I cause so much suffering and pain to my parents? Did I disappoint them in any way? I think it is not easy being a human being. There are just too many expectations and there is really no one that you can rely on to mqke you happy. Every one is thinking of his own personal happiness and whatever it is that can make him happy. No one really gives a damn about other people's feelings. I do not know how long I will last living like this. It is so bad and I am not as resilient as I used to be.

This has been a bad, bad day. I hope tomorrow will be better.

More new discoveries

My mouse is acting up. This little rodent that is such a convenience has chosen to disobey my wishes and goes where it wants to go. It is beginning to really irritate me. If this keeps up I will b forced to get rid of this little baby and buy another one which I hope will be well-behaved for a few months. I don't buy the expensive optical mouse, just the cheap kind that uses a ball but which unfortunately doesn't last very long. I'm a cheapskate mainly because I don't have any money of my own. I miss having money, being gainfully employed and looked up to for the necessities in life. As it is now, I am really quite useless.

I am learning a little more every day and, if this keeps up I might just become an expert in a year's time. This is a wonderful prospect and which I hope will be able to give me a much-needed boost financially. I have stopped doing any programming because I have gotten engrossed in websites and the nitty-gritty of getting a website noticed in the World Wide Web. More and more I am uncovering the little nuances of the Internet and one day it might work to my advantage.

If I had any money I would see for myself if what they are hawking really works. I believe in proving the technique or system through actual practical experience. As it is, with no money I cannot test these products at once so, I must content myself with taking the longer route which is much more scenic and informative. From what I have seen so far, I can see that I am not really wasting any time like these marketers are saying. I am getting real nuggets of information which I can see are based on logic and reason. and less on hype and emotions.

Cool blogs basking in the Blog Park. Visit these pages:

• The Blog Bum
• Haresh Frederick S. de la Serna
• Jai Alexander S. de la Serna
• War on Poverty
• Underdogs World
  

I am wary of those websites that blare their message like I am deaf and stupid and they the gifted few who have the knoeledge in an e-book ready to educate me if I had the amount that they were asking for their expertiser and knowledge.

A pleasant surprise

Not expecting anything from my SoulCast Blog, I opened it half-heartedly. I re-read what I'd written and towards the bottom I espied the words '2 comments'. I jumped up in glee and brought my face closer to the monitor to better read what had been written. Quick to respond to these comments, I dashed off a short note to show my appreciation and elation at having someone read my blog and actually to take the time to make an elaborate comment on it.

Refreshing my browser to see if my comments have been added, I was doubly gratified to see that my second post had 8 comments and that someone had written anothe comment as I was writing my own rejoinder. I had written something quite controversial and true enough, I had stepped on someone else's sensibilities. A free exchange of ideas is one of the great liberties that we have as human beings. I will say my piece and I will listen to everyone elses and that is a great thing. We don't have to agree.

Cool blogs. Visit these pages:

• Underdogtoo SoulCast Blog
• Thoughts on the Ideal World
• Creation, Life, Consciousness
• XUHS Class of 1966
• Underdogs World
  

Something new everyday

The day started out sleepy and tired. She woke me up really early and my eyes were unwilling to open and see a new day. But I had to get up because she wanted me to do something or other. Reluctantly, I got up and had a mug of hot water laced with honey. I was not in the mood for coffee as my stomach needed something less sharp. I more or less sleepwalked through the morning; I really needed sleep but I was already up so, what can I do? Later that afternoon I could not help myself, I laid down and slept. What a wonderful feeling I had when I awoke.

There was one thing that bothered me and that was: how to get visitors to my site? I get emails telling me to Blast my ads to 500 million people for a just a few dollars a month; everyone has a method, a technique, a system and I have no idea if they will work for me or not. I had a pleasant surprise today though when my Google Adsense account registered a few cents for the first time since I started. This was really gratifying to know that it is real, I could make some money from the Internet. My problem is how to multiply those few cents to make the money significant?

Cool blogs. Visit these pages:

• Creation, life, consciousness
• XUHS Class of 1966
• Moira Trinity
• Dr. Loloy de la Serna
• Underdogs World

Categories / keywords for this blog

• Journal
• Daily Journal
• Diary

Getting a routine going

I woke up early today like I did yesterday and I thought, Great, I will do what I did yesterday and I'm sure this day will go just fine too. Well as they say, 'well-laid plans of mice and men', it is almost predictable the way my life is; I plan on doing something and I am sure to get blocked, side-tracked and forced away from my chosen rut. She tells me to go and fetch the plumber, my commander-in-chief did and if I complained and squirmed and tried to get out this errand, I would never see the end of it. I would have to feel bad too since one can't do a credible job of acting unwilling without some emotional outburst.

Emotions are no good for me. I never did get along with having bursts of adrenalin shock my system on a regular basis. Some people can't go through life without a crisis everyday. I guess I'm not just made out for excitement. There I was this morning, two hours of my time wasted on tying to locate someone who had probably moved to a better neighborhood. Well, not really wasted as I was able to get several bunches of banana. I can't live without banana the way Koreans can't live without kimchi.

Having started my day on my feet, I went with the flow and did some more errands. getting a quotation for a new computer which an incoming tenant needed to buy. It felt good to have my legs stretched and my blood circulating a liitle more quickly. Upon getting back to my trusty old PIII, I did my usual stuff and discovered a cool way to get linked. They have not approved me yet but I applaud what they are doing.

More cool blogs. Visit these pages:

• Karma and Science
• Papoy
• Lilliputs Flowers
• Activists Reunion
• Underdogs World
  

Good day, today.

Woke up early today. Did not feel any need to rush into anything at all so I did a bit of surfing at BlogExplosion while I sipped my coffee. I was not fully awake yet and the parade blogs before me were like a merry-go-round of different thoughts from different minds. with different colors and shapes and designs. Like a dream, they stream past my sleepy eyes not yet perked up by the coffee I was slowly sipping. This is something I could be doing every morning when I wake up, warming up slowly to the day and languidly letting new ideas into my mind, assimilating their tricks and techniques and letting my mind synthesize new ways of stating what others are saying in their own way.

No rush, just take things slowly. I feel more relaxed and I enjoy doing what I dod more. I am able to close my eyes for a few seconds and bring myself to a quiet place inside my mind where I hear my mantra echoing without effort on my part, constant, without urgency, reminding myself that time can stand still when the mind is still and aloof amid the rush and clamor of endless thoughts stampeding like wild horses going nowhere.

Visit these pages:
--------Dumaguete --------------Monogamy: nature's way or man's way?
--------Utopia ------------------Yamashita gold, gemstones and crystals
--------Lotto --------------------Dreams: oracle or nothing more?
--------Underdogs World -------Am I asleep and dreaming?

Starting tonight

It is past midnight and I am still trying to make this day worth something. I really did not do much today; sat in front of my computer for most of the day trying to figure out what to do to make something out of this new project of mine. It was much nicer before when I did not have to confront myself with figures and statistics like, how many people viewed my blogs today? what am I doing wrong? what more could I be doing? should I give in to the hype and go with what some sure-fire how-to product that the email blasts me with all day? I quickly disabuse myself of the notion that buying one of those super-charged system, software, software or idea-in-a-disk was one of my options. I simply don't have the dough for them or I would have plunked my centavo where it would never see the light of day again. Maybe I need to sit back and relax a little bit, take in some fresh air, look out from my balcony and maybe see some butterflies today.

A nagging feeling keeps at me: I should be having fun but I keep it out of the way so as not to derail my train of thought as it speeds its way through the jungles of the Internet getting nowhere fast, but consoled by the thought that I will no longer waste my time on this and that idea; notions and magic potions that don't work at all and lay scattered on the wayside making me much, much wiser but none the richer. I am getting my hands really wet and really dirty and I have still to see the light at the end of the tunnel, a good thing for sure; having some little nugget in my hand would serve to cheer me up, make me pack up and call it a day after taking some time sit and congratulate myself like Little Jack Horner delaying me and keeping me from making my appointment with the mother lode which may just be around the corner.

Visit these pages:
- -- -Blog Crazy - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Reaching Out
- - - Squeak Smalltalk Adventure - - - --Nothing but flowers
- - - XUHS Class of 1966 --- - - - - - - - Underdogs World